CoolShit

A full mini putting green, cup with flag, two balls, and a putter — all sized to unroll next to the toilet for a quick nine while you're, well, otherwise occupied. Comes with a "Do Not Disturb — Golf In Progress" door hanger so the household knows not to interrupt your back nine.

A tiny wooden picnic table, complete with its own umbrella and two benches, built so backyard squirrels can dine like tiny gentlemen. Load the corn cob holder, mount it to a tree or fence, and enjoy the most wholesome wildlife content your yard has ever produced.

A lifelike resin hen, moulded feather by feather, positioned mid-lay — and the egg emerging from her is the actual light bulb. USB powered, warm glow, and completely straight-faced about what it is doing on your side table. Genuinely good ambient lighting and permanently funny, which is a combination almost nothing else manages.

A handcrafted ceramic skull whistle engineered to produce a bone-chilling, 125+ decibel human scream with a single breath. Based on real death whistles unearthed from Aztec burial sites, it needs zero musical skill to master — just inhale, blow, and watch the room jump.

This 6.25" hard vinyl ear of corn has been training its whole life for this moment — press the button and it belts out one of five dramatic operatic vocalizations, bold, brassy, and unapologetically theatrical. Three LR44 batteries included, so it's curtain-call ready out of the box.

Drop a coin on the tray and watch this mechanical bank snap, chomp, and swallow it whole with unsettling enthusiasm. It's equal parts savings tool and horror movie prop — a twist latch at the bottom lets you retrieve your loot once the beast has had its fill.

Eight soft vinyl celery stalks, just over an inch tall, that quietly remind you of celery's superiority all day — and then glow in the dark once the lights go out. A delightfully pointless collectible for anyone with a taste for the unusual.

An 8-1/2" posable stuffed latex squirrel ready to hang off your monitor and give you a knowing glance through every lengthy video call. Soft, flexible, and endlessly repositionable — the only coworker who never talks over you in meetings.

Fifteen latex-free adhesive bandages cut and printed to look like little strips of bacon, packed in a collectible metal tin with a free prize inside. Because if you're going to bleed, you might as well accessorize with breakfast meat.

A wide-brim umbrella mounted on an adjustable headband so you can keep both hands free in a downpour — fishing, gardening, or just walking to the car without ever touching a handle. Waterproof, foldable, and unmistakably blue.

A cast resin tentacle in aged bronze, hand-painted and polished, curling off a mounting plate as a fully working pull handle. Around 20cm long and solid enough for daily use on a cupboard, study or bathroom door. One of very few novelty objects that stops being decor and becomes part of the building.

A hand-tuned steel tongue drum, hand-cut and weatherproofed to live outdoors permanently, so that falling rain plays it. Each drop strikes a tuned tongue and the whole garden turns into an ambient instrument during a downpour. Playable by hand with the included mallets too, but the point is what happens when nobody is there.