CoolShit

Desktop-sized version of the iconic car dealership arm-flailing tube man. USB-powered. Flails enthusiastically on your desk. Brings pure chaotic energy to any workspace.

A tiny inflatable unicorn horn on a strap that attaches to your cat's head. The cat will hate it. You will love it. The internet will worship it. This is the cycle.

A metal-reinforced silicone blade born from the single most legendary confession ever posted to Reddit — the man who discovered, aged 30, that not every family keeps a dedicated knife beside the toilet. Dishwasher safe, hygienic, and drilled with a hanging hole so it can live in the laundry room where it belongs. Comes in packaging that commits entirely to the bit.

Full-body shark onesie blanket. You zip yourself inside and become a shark. Fins included. Tail included. Dignity not included. Perfect for Netflix and absolutely nothing else.

A miniature goat that screams. Comes with a tiny illustrated book about the goat's feelings. Completely unhinged desktop companion. Press the button, question your life choices.

A 13-inch soft vinyl rubber chicken wearing a removable nylon vest that labels it an emotional support animal. Squeeze the body and it squawks. Archie McPhee sells it as a joke about support animals, not as a licensed therapy aid, and the packaging says so.

A 3.5-inch electronic button box with four sounds: applause, crickets, a rimshot, and booing. Three LR44 batteries are included. The Archie McPhee version of a laugh track you can point at a person.

A 4-1/8 inch cardstock air freshener printed as a capybara with an orange on its head. Orange scented, with a string for hanging. Archie McPhee marks it as a best seller. Keep it off dashboards and anything that stains.

A box of six candy canes, 5-1/4 inches tall, striped yellow and white, flavoured like chicken soup. From Archie McPhee, the same house as the ketchup candy canes already in this catalog. Net weight 3.8 ounces.